More Complete Parenting Fail

We'll start off today with lovely products that you can buy your child, that will fulfill his or her own unique needs. Say, for example, if you want them to grow up to be lesbian.



Or, for example, if you already know what they are and just want to buy products that help them with self-realization.

Possibly you need a store like this. Do you think it is a consignment store?

Here's a restaurant with the right idea. I always say, I should've eaten mine while their bones were still soft.

I like this motel. I think they should only give the children LSD after their parents have had their fill.

Another restaurant!!! Apparently, you can eat kids here without having to wear shoes.

This is a Safe Surrender Site. Until trash day.

Boy! That daycare is a real dump(ster)!

Maybe you just want to dismember your child and keep it in a safe place. Anything from Disneyland is safe, right?

Now this is a sport you would think little girls (or bitter divorced women) might enjoy better than little boys. But who am I to judge?

Wow. Sometimes these pictures are accidents....what was that I was saying about Disneyland?? "Look, Grandma! It's little Katie, right there holding Mickey Mouse's gigantic penis!"

At least somebody's learning to swallow.

"let's go to the playground, honey......Muahhhahahahaha!"

For tidy upkeep of the slide area....just send the children to China via secret obvious trapdoor.

This one is for little gay boys. Blow it up Sugar!
Your Uncle Gertrude will be so proud!

And one for the little Australian lesbian in your life.

Look! Southern Tattoos for Mardi Gras! But only for white people, wink, wink.

For children of S&M parents. Because any other child will use anything possible they can find as an instrument of torture.

It's so nice that six year olds now have computers to help them learn about sex education.

I have looked at this for a long time. I finally have it. The big fat whale lady singing and playing the piano got the boot, so they sent her on the subway to antarctica to live with the penguins.

To start today's library suggestions, we will have today's only WIN, but it is a loss, as it is no longer in print.

Every time my child has diarrhea, I am stuck to the house changing shitty pants hour after hour, but even so, possibly I will have time to drive twenty miles to a Barnes and Noble to explain the diarrhea. To my three year old.

Everyone needs a pet Dick.

Now, for transportation. At least if this rolls over, the children are so tightly packed in they probably won't move or suffer any injuries. Who needs seat belts in buses, anyway?

This is definitely the way to travel. But they forgot to close the trunk so they could see out the back window. I just don't think that is safe driving at all.

I know! Lets make tiny windows so the children can see where they've been, and appreciate the cattle truck for it's bomb shelter like safety.

I don't even know what to call this.....Lazy Nerd Parenting?

Oh yes! Dangle the small prey items over the tiger's enclosure!!!

Funny thing is, shopping carts have seats for small children to ride in.

I like this idea! I think my mean Grandma invented it. Her house was always spotless.....possibly she had Chinese mop babies hidden in the closet.

Here's a kid who will never get made fun of. Ever. Because the 'Force' is with him.

It must be take your six year old out drinking day.

It is possible to love your boy children too much. They should stop messing with your boobies before age ten and twelve. This mom will never approve of their girlfriends....especially if they have boobs.

Brittney Spears wrote this choreography, and Michael Jackson sold the tickets.

And finally, don't let your two year old keep you from internet porn. Or making it. You can tell by the unaffected look on the child's face that he is used to this....most kids ham it up for any camera. This one takes it all in stride. Possibly the next Ron Jeremy?




Well, folks, there will be more parenting fail as I find it......Y'all come back now, Y'hear?!

Even More Bad Parenting

Some people are really bad parents. I know that I have seriously thought about this one myself, although I never had enough tape to actually keep a squirming, wriggling kid on a wall for more than thirty seconds.

This is a friend of mine. The baby is not his, but the parents did not want to lose it so they had their address and phone number tattooed on his arm. Have they never heard of those child safety programs that they hold at the local mall where they take a picture and give you an ID card? (No actual babies were harmed in the making of this blog.)

I have never met this woman. However, the way she manhandles this child is disgraceful. I'd like to see someone do that to her.....but it would take a crane and a union crew to get her off the ground.

Mmmmm, tasty, Mom!!!

Children are sponges. They will learn everything you do, but will rarely do what you say. Except if it includes building new bad habits.

I just used a playpen with mine, but eventually they learned to climb out. This would eliminate that problem, but if they are anywhere near as smart as my cockatoo, they will have to put a padlock on the latch.

Maybe this child wasn't bathed properly before he came to the wildlife attraction. Raccoons are cheaper than Mexican nannies, and you can't understand anything they say, either.

This is how I always felt about my dad, too.

That's one way to corral a rambunctious youngster. Before I observed there were something like county fairgrounds around them, I thought they might be at church, because he seems to be praying. Maybe he is getting ready for the ring toss.....he has made kind of a ring out of the kids arm and pants.

Whatever your parenting style, don't take advice from crazy people. We obviously don't have a clue what the hell we're doing. Also, Brittney Spears should ignore this blog alltogether.