More Complete Parenting Fail

We'll start off today with lovely products that you can buy your child, that will fulfill his or her own unique needs. Say, for example, if you want them to grow up to be lesbian.



Or, for example, if you already know what they are and just want to buy products that help them with self-realization.

Possibly you need a store like this. Do you think it is a consignment store?

Here's a restaurant with the right idea. I always say, I should've eaten mine while their bones were still soft.

I like this motel. I think they should only give the children LSD after their parents have had their fill.

Another restaurant!!! Apparently, you can eat kids here without having to wear shoes.

This is a Safe Surrender Site. Until trash day.

Boy! That daycare is a real dump(ster)!

Maybe you just want to dismember your child and keep it in a safe place. Anything from Disneyland is safe, right?

Now this is a sport you would think little girls (or bitter divorced women) might enjoy better than little boys. But who am I to judge?

Wow. Sometimes these pictures are accidents....what was that I was saying about Disneyland?? "Look, Grandma! It's little Katie, right there holding Mickey Mouse's gigantic penis!"

At least somebody's learning to swallow.

"let's go to the playground, honey......Muahhhahahahaha!"

For tidy upkeep of the slide area....just send the children to China via secret obvious trapdoor.

This one is for little gay boys. Blow it up Sugar!
Your Uncle Gertrude will be so proud!

And one for the little Australian lesbian in your life.

Look! Southern Tattoos for Mardi Gras! But only for white people, wink, wink.

For children of S&M parents. Because any other child will use anything possible they can find as an instrument of torture.

It's so nice that six year olds now have computers to help them learn about sex education.

I have looked at this for a long time. I finally have it. The big fat whale lady singing and playing the piano got the boot, so they sent her on the subway to antarctica to live with the penguins.

To start today's library suggestions, we will have today's only WIN, but it is a loss, as it is no longer in print.

Every time my child has diarrhea, I am stuck to the house changing shitty pants hour after hour, but even so, possibly I will have time to drive twenty miles to a Barnes and Noble to explain the diarrhea. To my three year old.

Everyone needs a pet Dick.

Now, for transportation. At least if this rolls over, the children are so tightly packed in they probably won't move or suffer any injuries. Who needs seat belts in buses, anyway?

This is definitely the way to travel. But they forgot to close the trunk so they could see out the back window. I just don't think that is safe driving at all.

I know! Lets make tiny windows so the children can see where they've been, and appreciate the cattle truck for it's bomb shelter like safety.

I don't even know what to call this.....Lazy Nerd Parenting?

Oh yes! Dangle the small prey items over the tiger's enclosure!!!

Funny thing is, shopping carts have seats for small children to ride in.

I like this idea! I think my mean Grandma invented it. Her house was always spotless.....possibly she had Chinese mop babies hidden in the closet.

Here's a kid who will never get made fun of. Ever. Because the 'Force' is with him.

It must be take your six year old out drinking day.

It is possible to love your boy children too much. They should stop messing with your boobies before age ten and twelve. This mom will never approve of their girlfriends....especially if they have boobs.

Brittney Spears wrote this choreography, and Michael Jackson sold the tickets.

And finally, don't let your two year old keep you from internet porn. Or making it. You can tell by the unaffected look on the child's face that he is used to this....most kids ham it up for any camera. This one takes it all in stride. Possibly the next Ron Jeremy?




Well, folks, there will be more parenting fail as I find it......Y'all come back now, Y'hear?!

Complete Parenting Fail

I have taken most of these pictures from failblog.org. It was such a funny site, with video fails, and so many parenting fails that I had to share them. If you find yourself actually pictured in this blog post, you need this pin so we will all know who to eliminate next.

















First of all, I think this should be a must have item for all families with children in Arkansas.























This is obviously in a PetSmart. only dogs can lick their balls and play with them at the same time.























Some stores are very helpful when you have kids. And are blonde.




























Again, with the helpful store. Wouldn't it be nice if all stores had the liquor right under the baby sign? Then, while you are listening to other people's children screaming and throwing a hissy fit in the store you could just have a drink and calm down.





























The. Whole. Family. Can enjoy nicotine addiction! Even babies! Because after all, they need to be a little more on edge, especially around nap time.























I wonder if there is a tow lot for unattended children?








































This must be a Jewish doctor's practice. Who else would think of having a summer vacation banner advertising bargain drive thru circumcision?













Of course, some stores just sell you the baby. Frozen. And apparently, in a burrito.




















I don't think they thought this signage through completely.

This is the first puzzle they use in home preschool in cult families of survivalists.

No wonder my kid can't do math.....
I think this was actually her first number book....funny thing is, I never noticed the extra banana till now. I like to be observant.

This maze is for slackers who can't pass seventh grade for the fifth year in a row.

And yet another maze, this time for the children of conglomerate bank CEO's. There's no possible way to get out of it!

Ahhhh......the smell of fresh idiot on the road.

If you need some spelling lessons, they can be found at really professional flea markets anywhere.

If all else fails, and your kid is outsmarting you, then perhaps this book is for you.

Uhh....I had no idea that Michael Jackson moonlighted as a school crossing guard. Makes sense, though.

This must be European, because we don't let our dead slow children even cross the street.

This sounds like a great camp. I think it would've been safer to send the kids to Neverland.

This looks like it might be the playground on Riker's Island. Do you think they want to keep the kids in, or keep the pedophiles out?

Yet again. Barbed wire on a child's plaything.

Are we raising children in this era to get used to jail?

I think my grandma took me to this playground. When grandpa died. I don't know why, but there's just something about it that creeps me out.

On to party times!!! What kind of parent lets their twelve year old kid look at playboy? And then plans a birthday around it?

This is what Ron Jeremy always brings to kid's birthday parties.

I knew a girl like this once. I think a truck stop and a crew of rescue firemen came flying out of her YOU KNOW WHERE!

Okay, who is doing the painting for these children's rides? Dr. Ruth?

This one looks more like it was painted by the weird carny that keeps following small children around with that one boggely eye.

Way to bring the party home! Hats off to you, Mr. Can't take apart a swingset to make it fit better....

Now we're getting into the really bad parenting fails. This baby looks terrified. Is it related to Brittney Spears?

This guy has no taste, no shame, and two little girls who will grow up and marry just the kind of asshole that he is.

Because fuck strollers.

Okay. Put the baby in oncoming traffic and strap it down so it has zero chance to get away when someone begins to run it over.

And this right here? Complete lack of judgement. If that kid is going to support his family at the age of two by making cheap shoes, little hair ties made of used condoms, and slather lead based paint on all toys being exported from China to the US....this kid definitely needs better transportation. Like maybe a MOM to take the slave child to work.

Well, there will be more parenting fail as I find it, so enjoy!