Something is Fishy

You know? I think this is what happened to my brain cells. At one time I had some, then some guy in waders came up and just freaking stole them. Or they fell out of my ear. Or they jumped...it's so hard to tell. All I know is, when I found out that the guy was wearing waders and not stylish overalls, I felt just about like this poor large marine mammal and his treasured bucket. Look at the face. Utter shock and disbelief. like Parris when they said, "You have to drive an RV." or Nicole when they said, "You have to ride with Parris". Or my brother when the stick turned blue. Or me when the stick turned blue for like the thirtieth time, and I had only had sex one time that year. Now, granted, it was only March, but if you figure that actually, I had had no sex since the previous spring, I call that a year. Or f@#*ing frustrating, eihter way. This also reminds me of the look my brother had on his face that time he peed on the electric fence, right before he shot nine feet across the church parking lot. Absolute sheer surprise and horror. It was probably the funniest thing I ever saw in my whole life. Except the look on my mother's face when she realized that my brother had dropped trou in the church parking lot and was now sitting with a roadburned ass, smoking penis and hair standing on end bawling like a little baby. I remember going back in and digging all the change out of my purse and leaving it in the offering plate.....because only God could construct something that funny. (I had never seen George Carlin yet)((Or George W)). Oh well. All's well that ends well. Obviously one sperm got away unsinged....at least for now. And luckily found one of the better girls my brother has been with. At least this one does not have a steel plate in her head from a head injury with a car battery which she got from her ex-husband whom she shot and killed. I think all around, this is damn lucky. And, by the way....my mom had this same look on her face when she realized that my brother had procreated.......

Pretty Obvious What God Thinks

Well, if this isn't God giving the finger, I don't know what is. I'm just glad it isn't pointing at me for a change, whilst booming laughter rolls from the heavens. I'm glad I didn't take this picture. I mean, I'm pretty sure already that I am on the shit list of the God Who Hates Sinners, and I would feel seriously f#%&ed if this formation appeared in front of me.

It's Sunday Again

On Sunday morning, like most mornings, I always begin my day with a little self love. I just found out that this, not complete and total lack of pet responsibility, is the leading cause of kitten annhilation! I never knew it! Oh, God! All the kittens! I was married for a REALLY long time......I just can't hardly think of it. This is terrible. I had so much guilt already, over not being a good enough daughter, not being a good enough mother, not being a good enough woman....now, on top of all that, I am responsible for an ungodly amount of kittycide. I'm definitely going to hell now. I thought about going to confession, but, I was worried that it might lead to even worse acts, and even more kitten deaths. Plus, I am not Catholic and I think it is stupid to go to confession. Although I am sure Catholics would not disapprove entirely of Margarita Jello shots in the offering plate (if they have such things at Catholic Church, maybe they don't, I dunno I was raised Baptist), conversion is not for me. What's even worse, and another fact that I did not know, is that God has an entire army of killer fudge ice cream bars that eat kittens in apparent sharklike frenzy. Crusading chocolate ice cream bars? I am completely terrified to even look in the freezer. Even though I don't have any kittens, there could be some of those things in there waiting for me just because of my incorrigible naughtiness. Not to mention the masturbation part...........

Tuesday is House Day

This is the way I feel when someone else wins the lottery. I always buy a ticket, but somehow, I have not yet connected with the God of the Lottery. The God that Hates Sinners sees gambling as a sin, and even a worse sin to pray to win. Somebody's in control. There's an energy there someplace. Obviously that little boy needs that fish more than her! Like that one old eighty year old couple that won like a bazillion dollars. For the limited time they have to enjoy it, yay. Good for them. But I think I could put it to better use, I'm sorry I just do. But that is the paradox of life and the attempt to retain balance while you learn to manipulate the energy around you and stay in flow with the Divine Energy. Obviously this little boy caught this fish or believed he should have, or thought she should give it to him because he was littler and had something to prove to somebody or someone to make proud. She's all uncomfortable, pigeon toed, also trying to make someone (Daddy?) proud...she would have taken that fish if she had to knock that poor little guy in the dirt. It's what we do. As children we compete for the attention of our parents.....as adults we compete for the attention of our God. I joke a lot about God, and the different perceptions of Divine Energy, but that is really just to get people riled up and fired off. Right now, myself and many others seek a spiritual way, or path. We ask for guidance from comfortable sources. And, we are looking at whatever works for someone else and trying that too. The next time that little boy goes fishing, I bet he ends up with the fish.

Today is House Day. I clean house as much as possible, and then get to watch the most abrasive and hilarious doctor named House. On a show called house. You get the idea.