On Sunday morning, like most mornings, I always begin my day with a little self love. I just found out that this, not complete and total lack of pet responsibility, is the leading cause of kitten annhilation! I never knew it! Oh, God! All the kittens! I was married for a REALLY long time......I just can't hardly think of it. This is terrible. I had so much guilt already, over not being a good enough daughter, not being a good enough mother, not being a good enough woman....now, on top of all that, I am responsible for an ungodly amount of kittycide. I'm definitely going to hell now. I thought about going to confession, but, I was worried that it might lead to even worse acts, and even more kitten deaths. Plus, I am not Catholic and I think it is stupid to go to confession. Although I am sure Catholics would not disapprove entirely of Margarita Jello shots in the offering plate (if they have such things at Catholic Church, maybe they don't, I dunno I was raised Baptist), conversion is not for me. What's even worse, and another fact that I did not know, is that God has an entire army of killer fudge ice cream bars that eat kittens in apparent sharklike frenzy. Crusading chocolate ice cream bars? I am completely terrified to even look in the freezer. Even though I don't have any kittens, there could be some of those things in there waiting for me just because of my incorrigible naughtiness. Not to mention the masturbation part...........
