A Humanitarian Aid Petition

Do you see these people? They are starving. they are very thin, ribs showing, clearly malnutritioned. Ignore the head on a stick for just a moment. They are clearly hungry.

However, as they are cannibals, many humanitarian aid programs will not consider air drops to their location.

Now see these people? They are an example of what everyone has in their life at one time or another... jerks. They are assholes, they are abusive, they don't pay their child support, and a whole host of other general wrongs against their families and society in general.

I propose we start a website in which you can buy a seat on this 5oo passenger jet for your asshole. They will not need any luggage. Basically, they will be sedated then trussed, smeared with butter, a few choice fresh herbs stuffed into armpits and other crevices. The buyer may choose which fruit they would like stuffed up the passenger's ass, and in their mouth.

In the cargo bays, there will be plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables, rice, grains, wheat and corn.

Each passenger will be equipped with a self opening parachute, and all will be dropped over areas of severe poverty and starvation in cannibalistic tribal territories.

The price of the ticket will have to be high, because we will need to sell all seats, charter the airbus, and hire our own pilots. Preferrably pilots with a passenger onboard. Anyway, what do you guys think? I think Al Gore, Hilary Clinton, and Laura Bush might just sign on. And maybe Larry Birkhead.