On Sunday morning, like most mornings, I always begin my day with a little self love. I just found out that this, not complete and total lack of pet responsibility, is the leading cause of kitten annhilation! I never knew it! Oh, God! All the kittens! I was married for a REALLY long time......I just can't hardly think of it. This is terrible. I had so much guilt already, over not being a good enough daughter, not being a good enough mother, not being a good enough woman....now, on top of all that, I am responsible for an ungodly amount of kittycide. I'm definitely going to hell now. I thought about going to confession, but, I was worried that it might lead to even worse acts, and even more kitten deaths. Plus, I am not Catholic and I think it is stupid to go to confession. Although I am sure Catholics would not disapprove entirely of Margarita Jello shots in the offering plate (if they have such things at Catholic Church, maybe they don't, I dunno I was raised Baptist), conversion is not for me. What's even worse, and another fact that I did not know, is that God has an entire army of killer fudge ice cream bars that eat kittens in apparent sharklike frenzy. Crusading chocolate ice cream bars? I am completely terrified to even look in the freezer. Even though I don't have any kittens, there could be some of those things in there waiting for me just because of my incorrigible naughtiness. Not to mention the masturbation part...........
15 comments:
Hey I wanna help kill kittens!
Oh no... Those poor kitties... no wonder I'm going to hell.
I like ice cream bars.
Eye am watching you... eye see you doing what you do... eye know all about it.. eye see those poor little kitties with their angel wings.. eye see those eyescream bars
An eye for an eye... aye.. yummy!
Kittens? what kittens? where are the kittens? Grrr...
Ice cream? what ice cream? where is the ice cream? Brrr....
I'm getting out of here!!!
how hilarious. Definitely, the Eyes have it...it is an eyecatching spectacle on the uh guest book there. I particularly like the flying kitty......and. handy dan. stop it with kitten killing already. Give it up for lent. That makes me wonder...can I actually give up lint for lent? Since I'm not Catholic, probably not. Since I am backslidden Baptist maybe I will give up housecleaning for Lent.
You asked for questions, and I have a question for you:
I've heard that it is impossible to take a lightbulb out of your mouth once one puts it in, without either breaking the bulb or dislocating the jaw. Do you know if this is true?
I'm counting on you - my husband is really curious, and I don't want to have to drive him to the hospital. Please answer soon.
I judy esny yo knoe ehsy yhr guvk id hoinh on hrtr. zhoe yhr hrvk fo zi hry sn sndert yo s wurdyionz?? zzzzzzzzzz snf yhsy id sll zi hsbr yo dsy snouy iy. do yhrtr.
Muriel....I am not sure of this myth. I could not try it with any accuracy as my jaw dislocates with relative ease, much to the delight of most of the men I have known. I wouldn't try it. I used to know a guy that would eat a lightbulb for fifty dollars, but I think that is an entirely different deal. If your husband wants to put a lightbulb in his mouth and just cannot stand it and must try it, then I say, let him go for it. once it's in there, he will certainly have to shut up about it. If it stays there, it could be good for your marriage. It sounds to me like maybe he should have one put there on purpose to avoid stupid ideas flying out of his mouth uncontrolled. Hope this helps..... :)
c272Malgt......what language is this? If it is Assholese, I have not had my update courses. please use your translator program on your computer to help me decode your message.
those killer ice cream bars are domo-kun a japanese anime character that kills kittens when it masturbates. i now go into the juicy deails. One day...-censored-...O my goood he said...-censored-...then he...-censored-...and that is why he kills kittens. please do not look this up, it is graphic. if you know the meaning of the word censored you will not be looking this up. also do not look this up if you know the meaning of the word bukaki (i do not no if i spelled that right it's pronounced boo cock' ee)
What are you people talking about? Don't you know anything at all? It's not sunday!!!!! It's MONDAY!!!
Geez louise.. don't you have a calendar or something???
The only way we can win is to leave before the job is done.
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